@stephanie I’m not sure what to make of yours. I get plenty of spam and yours almost sound like it, but I guess I’ll leave it here. And no, I don’t believe in Satan either. Or heaven.

Sincerely,
frolics with ferrits.

Your experience in getting your records removed is, sadly, not unique.
The church has a huge interest in keeping their membership numbers up, for obvious reasons, so they would like to count on as many “members” as they can, even if those members never attended one day of church since their baptism.

I’ve been meddling with the idea of going through it myself lately. I’ll let you know how it plays out.

Cheers.

I quit going in my late teens when I moved out of the house, then quit the church all together because every time I moved my mom had my records forwarded to the local ward who would promptly dispatch an army of home teachers and others to “welcome” me even though I was inactive and a non believer.

At the time I had my records removed I was living in a very aggressive LDS area. I received numerous phone calls and visits from the local ward to fellowship me. They wouldn’t stop! I thought eventually they’d leave me alone but they kept coming and calling so one Sunday when the Deacons came over looking for tithing (I never paid any) I asked them to please not come over anymore. A couple hours latter their bishop called me and gave me the business about tithing being a requirement of members so after a very long, rigorous process I had my records removed.

I had to threaten them with a law suit twice to get them to leave me alone AND remove my name from their rolls. Naturally my mother was devastated.

BTW nice blog. You are obviously a very talented writer. Now see if you were still a Mormon you’d probably have a number of books out by now (they like to write books).

We have some questions.

1. This may seem trivial, but when do Mormons go to their church.
They seem to close up their home “tight” on Sundays and hardly ever
come outside on Sundays.

2. What holidays do they celebrate?

3. What do Mormons teach their kids?

4. What do Mormons think of Christians?
We know they call themselves Christians…
but by now it should be obvious to them that we are somehow
“different”. Many of our neighbors on this street are not
Christians. We probably stand out “like a sore thumb”.

5. Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on how we can
build a friendly relationship with this family? We’d like to
be good neighbors with them.

6. The kids seldom smile much less laugh.
Is this something that stems from teachings
in Mormonism?

I will start by saying if you haven’t visited the Main Street Plaza, please check it out.
The bloggers there are very active and have been a great source for me in my dealings with leaving the church.

Now, on to your comment…

I did not grow up LDS as you may already know, and neither did my wife, but your story is very familiar to me through close friends who have gone and are still going through the same struggles as you are.

Since I wouldn’t even dare to give you advice on your relationship with your wife, I can only give you a little more detail into how things played out in my life when I decided to leave.
My initial reaction (and a common one) was to “help” my wife see things the same way I was seeing them. I wanted her to understand and question her beliefs aggressively and, most of all, I wanted her to come to the same conclusions to which I had come.
I would then get frustrated when she didn’t see things the same way I did and arguments would ensue.

It’s been over 2 years since I’ve left the church. I’m open about it to anyone who asks and I enjoy an argument or two with a selected group, but I am very much more careful now about with whom I share my views. My wife and I rarely talk about religion anymore, but she still shares her stories with me about her YW’s or any ward drama that happens to be going on.

It sounds like you could stand to lose a lot and I’m more and more convinced now that you’d gain very little in return by being totally honest… at least right away.
I think the main thing you should want your family to understand is that we all have need to believe or not believe on our own terms. Heck, you would even be able to find scripture to support that argument. It is specially important to your children that you be as honest as you can with them, without going into details about the issues that might aggravate your relationship with your spouse.

By you supporting your wife in her personal beliefs now, you would, in my opinion, make it easier for her to accept your new views in the future.
You are definitely not alone in this and I hope you find that your new-found enlightenment and intellectual honesty will make you a better person and an even better parent to your children.

I hope you stick around and feel free to drop me an email at livingwithmormons@gmail.com.

I sincerely wish you the best in this stage of your life.

Cheers.

My wife and I have been together for 25 years. 6 kids. Met at BYU. The typical Mormon love story. I have been giving credence to my doubts for quite a while now, and at 44 years old, have watched the labels I’ve given myself change from “active believer in good standing” to “seeker,” then “questioner”, then “agnostic,” to, most recently, “humanist” or “secularist.” (I am in the grieving stage now, experiencing the same sadness I felt when my father died 10 years ago, and therefore reluctant to take on the label of atheist just yet.)

I am mostly interested in how to deal with this in my marriage. I am “in the closet,” as a non-believer, for the most part. My wife knows I am having “problems with my testimony,” but as I go into detail, it turns into a corrective session on her part, with her bearing her testimony to me that she knows I am wrong, suggesting I talk to the Bishop, etc.

Having been in many leadership callings over the years, I have seen how sincerely so many LDS people expend their time and energy serving others in ways I could only classify as “Christian” (in the best possible sense of the word), so I doubt I will ever become as outspoken against the church as some of you. I am just realizing this doesn’t work for me.

For the last few years, I have turned down callings, I no longer speak up in discussions, etc. I travel a lot with my job and am relieved when travel prohibits my having to go to church and participate in this false state. I have been reading Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Daniel Dennet, in secret. Not easy, believe me. Secret zipper compartments in brief cases are wonderful. ha.

But I have 25 years of building this life with an LDS woman, and teaching our children in the ways of the church — how do I possibly rip the rug out from under them like this? The guilt I feel is horrendous right now. And I feel like I am going through so many things at once – the grief of loss, the guilt of bringing on this change to a good woman, and the inner turmoil of such a fundamental change, the letting go of a social network, etc. – and I can’t share it with my spouse, the one person we hope to be there when going through stuff like this.

I don’t know what to do. Despite having less and less in common, I still love my wife. We just can’t talk about a whole lot these days. That saddens me. But I’m a good father, and I have a great relationship with my children. I don’t know what I hope to accomplish by posting this. I guess it’s good to know you’re not alone?

Anyway, thanks again for the forum. I have no malice toward anyone in or outside the church. The scales have just fallen off my eyes, and I’m wondering what to do with this new vision. So far, the added light without the scales is painful, and I’m just standing here blinking and tearing up.