The Jesus Diet!

jesus_dietHoly weight loss!!!
I’m surprised no one thought of this before.

The Bible is not only a historical and scientific document, but it now is also a holy diet guide.

Pastor and “personal trainer” Ron Williams from the Foundation Church in Midvale, Utah, “used to think overweight people were maybe lazy couch potatoes.” But lo and behold, we can relax and pop open another box of delicious Pringles, as long as we commit to healing our souls… and BE MORE LIKE JESUS (How original)!!!

How does he get all these insane ideas from the Bible? Well, it was easy and, let’s be honest, obvious:
Jesus ate bread and fish!!!… a balanced mix of carbs and proteins.

Jesus was also seen wandering carrying a really heavy cross on his back once, so I’m glad to announce you can order your complete “Jesus Diet Kit” right here, starting soon!!!

1 comment to The Jesus Diet!

  • Ya know, Jesus might have eaten a balanced meal of bread and meat, but that is no reason to imply that it kept him fit. He may have been 400lbs for all we know, it’s not like anyone took any photographs. Even if he was a slender reed, I doubt we could blame it on a commitment to healing our souls. I don’t know how many calories “commitment” burns, but I don’t think Jesus had a car and with all the places he is attributed to being, that’s a hell-of-alota (I mean, maybe a Heaven-of-alota) walkin.

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