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Hi everybody,
After a long hiatus filled with perilous adventures, I’m back again. My wife and I just welcomed our third child into our little corner of the universe; he’s also a boy (I have three boys now), so I have been very busy consoling her every time she hears a burp or a toot at the dinner table.
With all these kids around and growing, our life in Mormon country is becoming a lot more dynamic in dealing with the church. My kids are still attending with mom once every other week (which they hate, by the way) and occasionally topics such as baptism and baby blessings come up directed at both them and me.
In order to keep my sanity and have a clear mind in addressing these issues with my family, I’ve taken up to searching for external resources and none other than Dale McGowan et al’s Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief has come to my aid lately.
This book is a MUST-HAVE for rational parents of all walks; it is filled with practical advice and resources for instilling a sense of wonder, discovery, curiosity, moral and ethical behavior in your children.
The authors also make a clear distinction between respecting people versus their beliefs and promote rational thinking and analysis for all facets of life. You will learn ways to teach your children how to use the tools of a scientific mind to analyze problems they may face in their lives while learning that there are no questions which cannot be asked.
The book also covers ways of explaining tough scientific concepts such as evolution or the size of the universe by using analogies and simple experiments, some of which are born right out of Camp Quest’s activities. 
Raising Freethinkers
I was recently pointed to this story on ESPN The Magazine about a high school football team whose fans agreed to give the opposing team their own cheer section during the game. The rival team was a Gainesville, Texas team made of high-security correctional facility teenagers who went from city to city to play football.
Gainesville has a lot of kids with convictions for drugs, assault and robbery—many of whose families had disowned them
The person who linked to this story was discussing the effects of prayer along with action, and how this beautiful story highlighted its positive results.
The story goes on to describe Gainesville’s loss as the expected result after a long season without any wins however highlighted by a feeling of victory by its players from the experience they just received, of acceptance and camaraderie.
But there are several messages within this story which, to me, brings out many issues; issues revolved around the players’ beliefs, motivation, and integrity.
Let’s start off with the most obvious one, from this quote:
After the game, both teams gathered in the middle of the field to pray and that’s when Isaiah surprised everybody by asking to lead. “We had no idea what the kid was going to say,” remembers Coach Hogan. But Isaiah said this: “Lord, I don’t know how this happened, so I don’t know how to say thank You, but I never would’ve known there was so many people in the world that cared about us.”
I would hope Isaiah’s first instinct would be to thank the people who organized this, then the ones who participated in it, then the coach, the rival team, so on and so forth. Religion, in this case (and in many cases like this), steals the show, so to speak. It’s fair to speculate that many people donated a significant amount of time and effort to pull that whole thing off and they should be first and foremost in line to receive gratitude.
I see this over and over again from people who undergo amazing recoveries, thanking a deity before they thank the doctor who spent years studying and researching in order to perform a successful surgery or line of treatment.
If God was the motivation for such a good deed, then of course, thanks are due to him; but was he?
Would you rather your children help around the house because you make them do it or because they truly understand their role in the family and are sincerely pleased to contribute for the sole sake of their kindness? Were the fans from Faith (the home team) motivated by God, if one would argue, truly altruistic, more so than the ones who decided to do good that day for the sake of seeing a smile on another man’s face? Is gratitude due to a person whose actions are based on promises of salvation and fear from condemnation or to a person who built their character on a foundation of integrity and naturalistic empathy?
I will not speculate on each person’s motivation in this anecdote and I am inclined to think that most of those people were acting out of goodness sake, which is innate, when they gave those players this beautiful present. But this gift so nicely wrapped in the religious bag-o-goodies doesn’t come without extras:
As the Tornadoes walked back to their bus under guard, they each were handed a bag for the ride home—a burger, some fries, a soda, some candy, a Bible and an encouraging letter from a Faith player.
Ah, the ever-so-completing gift that keeps on giving: The Bible.
The last time I visited a friend at a hospital, I brought him doughnuts, some magazines, and new razors. I also gave him my business card… you know, just in case he needed some web sites done while he was nearing his death.
What an underhanded slap in the face that must feel like for someone with an ounce of reasoning in their brains.
Religion is used over and over again as a cloak for kindness and altruism, but it represents exactly the opposite. Its proponents are quick to explore emotionally charged experiences in order to sell their despicable pamphlets. It is a conduit for false pretense and condescension.
I would be a million times more grateful to one of those parents and students if they had come up to me after the game and said: “My only motivation to coming here tonight was to hopefully show you that there are genuinely good people out here who will give you another chance, without expecting anything in return.”
Most of these boys will fail to recognize the underlying hubris in the faithful’s actions, but I’ve seen it way too many times to not consider it present here. I believe all those involved could potentially act out of genuine care for those young men, but religion will do its best to obscure their natural motivations and present it within its shiny coat of arrogance.
Well, I’m off to Vegas to meet family and friends for Turkey Day, so enjoy yours, everyone, and cherish the time, if you’re so fortunate.
I’ll be sitting in a hot tub rubbing my full stomach and watching the kids drive Grandma crazy.
Cheers.
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
She went to check it out.
She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?”
“Morris Fishbein,” he replied.
“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”
“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.”
“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”
“And how do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a brick wall!”
I’d go into a foxhole with these guys anytime, if not for the comfort that, when the proverbial shit hits the fan, none of them would be kneeling around mumbling desperate words to an imaginary friend (thanks Phil).
In a speech prepared for Brigham Young University – Idaho, Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Q12 says he’s taking his ball and going home if atheists don’t stop picking on him.
He then goes on to compare the current backlash from the gay community and their homies against the Mormon church to the treatment of blacks during the civil rights era while calling same-sex marriage an “alleged civil right.”
In an interview Monday before the speech, Oaks said he did not consider it provocative to compare the treatment of Mormons in the election’s aftermath to that of blacks in the civil rights era, and said he stands by the analogy.
“It may be offensive to some — maybe because it hadn’t occurred to them that they were putting themselves in the same category as people we deplore from that bygone era,” he said.
Isn’t it great? It’s so blatant it’s sad. So he’s crying that the Mormons are like a minority who were denied their civil rights and had to fight for equality… WHILE THEY TRY TO DENY ANOTHER MINORITY’S CIVIL RIGHTS.
Uh… Mr. Oaks… weren’t you about 42-years-old when the church finally allowed blacks full membership?
I guess it’s appropriate to deliver your speech at BYU then, since Mr. Young himself started the idea.
I was recently assigned a new home teacher (remember, I’m still in the records) and he called me this past week to see if he could stop by this weekend.
He was careful to point out the fact that he “understood” my “situation” and that the visit would be but a friendly one; no need to bring up church issues.
Either way, I welcome the visit. I was once his son’s Scout Leader and invited him as well.
Whenever I have official visits from the Church, I really do hope (mainly for my wife’s sake) that no uncomfortable discussions ensue and I don’t have to end showing someone how ignorant their beliefs are, but I’m afraid the latest rambling of the leaders of the church; Elder Bruce C. Hafen must have really enjoyed giving his latest speech (Evergreen International Conference) as an opus to a life lived focused on “the legal rights and needs of children and the legal status of marriage.”
Bruce quickly sets the tone to his damaging speech with the following quote:
When we asked how he was doing, he began to cry and said, with a look of real anguish, “I suffer from same-gender attraction.” My heart went out to him. The longer we talked, the more compassion I felt, as I learned that the operative word for him really was “suffer.”
That’s right. It’s clear to these idiots that homosexuality is a disease, despite what anybody else says about it (more on this point later).
He continues on this wave with demeaning and hurtful associations to child abuse, misrepresentations of scientific findings, all the while making clear how loving and just and forgiving his screwed up god is.
His disconnection to the real issues involved in homosexuality debate are highlighted by one of the solutions this highly educated and yet incredibly ignorant person presents to the church youth:
“Find a therapist who can help you identify the unmet emotional needs that you are tempted to satisfy in false sexual ways.”
Really? So sex is what it’s all about for these mormons, isn’t it? What about the deep emotional needs one is “tempted to satisfy” in loving relationships. Perhaps deeper needs to be loved and accepted and live a full life are more important to most people than just sex (but yes, sex too cannot be downplayed as they try to do).
He continues on and on about his loving savior (who, let’s not forget, allegedly made people the way they are so they can suffer) and how all will be well if you just endure until the end, but his blindness and bigotry is once again replaced by his sleazy willingness to distort the facts to support his cause:
In the early 1970’s, the public and most lawyers, doctors, and therapists saw homosexuality not as normal adult behavior but as a psychological disorder.
In his historical analysis, his call for us to return to a time where intolerance was rampant and status quo is loud and accentuated by continued misrepresentation:
In 1973, in response to increasing disruptions and protests by gay activists, the American Psychiatric and Psychological Associations removed homosexuality from their official lists of disorders. Significantly, they took this action by simply putting the issue to an open vote in their professional meetings–not because of any change in actual medical findings.
First is the misconception that same-gender attraction is an inborn and unalterable orientation. This untrue assumption tries to persuade you to label yourselves and build your entire identity around a fixed sexual orientation or condition.
Wow, what a great world, wasn’t it? When we could just pretend everything was peachy in my heterosexual home and, when problems arose, we could just beat the shit out of anybody who disagreed with us. Ahh, the good ol’ days.
There have been many studies in the field and scientists continue to look at possible causes, but to me that’s beyond the point. Homosexuals are people who seek happiness in a world who hates them. Making this hate go away and allowing them to live happy lives should be the focus of our sermons and discourses.
While Mr. Hafen is quick to quote the APA on the ongoing research, he fails to take their counsel on the most important fact:
lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations are not disorders. Research has found no inherent association between any of these sexual orientations and psychopathology. Both heterosexual behavior and homosexual behavior are normal aspects of human sexuality. Both have been documented in many different cultures and historical eras. Despite the persistence of stereotypes that portray lesbian, gay, and bisexual people as disturbed, several decades of research and clinical experience have led all mainstream medical and mental health organizations in this country to conclude that these orientations represent normal forms of human experience. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual relationships are normal forms of human bonding.
The rest of his words are directed to insult the rest of us who do not fit his utopian 1960′s family, such as unwed parents, single parents, divorced parents, and I’m sure in his flat head, interracial parents rank high on his no-no list.
As I type this, I’m really starting to think my new hometeacher picked the wrong day to come visit me. I really hope he doesn’t ask me why I don’t go to church anymore. He may find himself accidentally at the end of my wrath. If you don’t feel angry at this stuff, something is seriously wrong with you.
I came across this letter from Margaret Young to her son on his 18th birthday.
She wants above all things that he remains a Mormon.
Seriously, this is her greatest wish, sadly enough.
Here’s the appropriate response.
Dear Son -
As I watch you sleep in my arms tonight, I think of many things I want to tell you.
I first think of my own history and how you have made me a better man whose goal is to, one day, be able to look you eye to eye and honestly tell you I did the best I could for you.
In our family we never shied away from any difficult issues and we always shared our different views with respect and tolerance. We also felt confident in openly criticizing mutual lines of thought and understood that, sometimes, we just have to agree to disagree.
We welcome new perspectives and explore new ideas rationally and skeptically, always looking for a better understanding of ourselves and those things around us.
We have taught you to love art and music, animals and science, history and discovery, friends and family, and the planet in which we live.
I hope you continue to love and admire beauty, for there are many wonderful things in this universe that fills us with feelings of awe and amazement.
We have watched you exercise your mind and body and hope you continue to take good care of both. A healthy lifestyle will only serve to offer you opportunities to do many enjoyable things without distorting your senses and impairing your full physical and intellectual potential.
You have questioned many things and we have encouraged you to expect reasonable and sensible answers to your questions; answers based on factual conclusions. This ability to rationally analyze our world is one of the few things that sets us apart from all other living creatures, so make use of it dutifully and honestly.
Son, respect is not assigned, but earned. Earn it. It is a continuous effort with every interaction you will have. Earn it every day.
And give it.
Respect those who have earned it. Base your judgment not on any perceived notion of respect; a white collar or a position of power does not freely grant anyone any such thing Base it on character, honor, integrity, honesty, compassion, and all those positive traits we are able to display.
I hope for many things for you, son. None of which will come to you through wishful thinking or complacency. They will require primarily your own hard work and the love and care of others.
Be proud of your own efforts and give thanks for the efforts of others. Recognize and distinguish those who make a positive contribution to your life and the life of others.
Finally, I will not include all my “wisdom” and advice in this letter. The fine line between counsel and demand will inevitably begin to fade by my fear of your suffering and my failures as a father.
But I will always be available and accepting of you for as long as I live and I hope we have built a relationship based on trust and friendship, acceptance, mutual respect and love.
I love you… unconditionally.
I will not exhaust you with yet another positive review of The Hangover.
Yes, it was hilarious and utterly insulting and it made my wife at least ask me – “Is that what YOU do when you go to Vegas for the weekend???”
Now, Mormons are highly discouraged from watching movies with an R rating. This “counsel” has been made clear by many leaders of the church and hammered into everyone’s mind effectively.
It really sucks when I watch an R-rated movie and have no one with whom to discuss it, therefore I will take this opportunity to rant…
One of the issues I have with this rule is this:
The church is using a highly inconsistent and controversial rating system by the MPAA as part of their moral guide book.
It’s confusing to many members just like the “hot drink” issue in the Word of “Wisdom.”
Another problem can be exemplified in this quote from Elder James E. Faust:
Parental hypocrisy can make children cynical and unbelieving of what they are taught at home. For instance, when parents attend movies they forbid their children to see, parental credibility is diminished. If children are expected to be honest, parents must be honest.
I completely agree with Faust that we must be honest with our children and I admit I will not be showing a screening of Pulp Fiction to my 6-year-old anytime soon. But I also understand that we live in reality and he will be exposed to it soon enough. By pretending these things don’t exist, I will be missing many opportunities to address important issues with him in an honest and sensible way.
My son has heard some bad language from the neighbor’s blaring radio and he knows that there are certain adult words he’s not allowed to say. He knows why he’s not allowed to say them and he has never been heard repeating them (and you know kids repeat everything they hear).
He also likes to burp at the dinner table. I join him sometimes in a chorus along with our 2-year-old. To my wife’s disgust, they’ve been exposed to really bad manners by moi. But they both understand the rules inside and outside our home. They understand their actions reside within a framework of acceptance and we strive to state the rules as clearly as we can.
But why can’t adults make their own minds about watching movies? The church doesn’t tell you shouldn’t watch Fox News (which we all know is intellectual junk)! The church doesn’t tell you not to attend sporting events… I hear more F-BOMBS during a football game then in most rated-R movies. You don’t hear the prophet counseling against hockey or the UFC (cage fighting)!!!
But a grown ass man can’t go watch Scent of a Woman because his or her ears can’t hear naughty words??? Give me a break!
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